AKIR
DRAMATIC PUBLISHING
A Christmas Carol
Script Excerpts
Pawnbroker Scene
Pawnbroker Scene--This is the comic-relief scene of the death angel section. In this scene, you see three women; Mrs. Cobbler (Scrooge's chambermaid), a Laundress, and a Charwoman; pawning the items that they stole from Scrooge's chambers after his death. This rousing scene, which is not presented here in its entirety, concludes with an equally rousing song who's words are included in this excerpt. Click here to hear the song.
LAUNDRESS
Now, look at my bundle.
PAWNBROKER begins to go through her things.
PAWNBROKER
What do you call these? Bed curtains?
LAUNDRESS
Bed curtains they are.
PAWNBROKER
You don’t mean to say you took ’em down, rings and all, with him lying there...dead!
LAUNDRESS
Yes, I do...and why not!
PAWNBROKER
You were born to make a fortune, and you’ll do it, too.
LAUNDRESS
I certainly won’t stop me hand, not if I can get what I want by reaching it out.
MRS. COBBLER
Not for the sake of such a man as he was, I promise you.
LAUNDRESS
Now, be careful, Joe, don’t drop that oil on the blankets.
PAWNBROKER
His blankets?
LAUNDRESS
Whose else’s do you think?
CHARWOMAN
H’ain’t likely to take cold without ’em, I dare say...not where he’s going.
(ALL laugh)
PAWNBROKER
I don’t know about the blankets. They wouldn’t be diseased, would they? I hope he didn’t die of anything catching!
LAUNDRESS
Don’t be afraid of that. I wasn’t so fond of his company that I loitered around for such things, if he did! Now…
(pulling out a shirt)
…you may look through this shirt till your eyes ache, but you won’t find a hole in it, nor a threadbare place. It’s the best he had, and a fine one, too. They’d have wasted it, if not for me.
PAWNBROKER
What do you mean “wasted it”?
LAUNDRESS
Putting it on him to be buried in, can you believe it! Somebody was fool enough to do it...but, I took it off him again. If a calico shirt ain’t good enough to go six foot under, it ain’t good enough for anything.
MRS. COBBLER
It’s quite becomin’ to the body. Besides, he can’t look any uglier than he did in this one.
(ALL
Laugh. They Sing.)
CHAROWOMAN
Some call us rogues,
MRS. COBBLER
Some call us scoundrels,
LAUNDRESS
Some call us villains
PAWNBROKER
or scamps.
ALL
Some call us vagrants, Some call us rascals,
What are we? Birds of a camp.
CHARWOMAN
I’m gonna take care of meself.
I’m gonna sell stuff from his shelf.
He ain’t gonna catch me.
‘Cause I’m gonna fetch me
Some stuff to sell.
LAUNDRESS
Look at this bundle I’ve got to sell.
I took it from him but please don’t tell.
Stuff from his body.
Look. I’m so naughty.
I help meself.
MRS. COBBLER
The man was so stingy, He thought me scum.
I wanted to things, I got me some.
I think I deserve it.
I worked hard to earn it.
My money now.
ALL
Some call us rogues, Some call us scoundrels,
Some call us villains or scamps.
Some call us vagrants, Some call us rascals,
What are we? Birds of a camp.
PAWNBROKER
They all just think I’m made of gold.
Most of this stuff...it’s junk, it’s old.
But I have to take it
So that I can make it.
It’s how life goes.
ALL
Some call us rogues, Some call us scoundrels,
Some call us villains or scamps.
Some call us vagrants, Some call us rascals,
What are we? Birds of a camp.
(THREE WOMEN take PAWNBROKER’s money bag and play an innocent game of “Keep-Away” during the musical interlude.)
Some call us rogues, Some call us scoundrels,
Some call us villains or scamps.
Some call us vagrants, Some call us rascals,
What are we? Birds of a camp.
PAWNBROKER
Well, that’s the end of it.
MRS. COBBLER
He wouldn’t help another soul when he was alive, but we profit from him at last, now that he’s dead!
(ALL nod, bid each other “good day”, curtsy and exit. Lights out on the scene.)
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